Hello good people!!  Hope you guys are well. Anywho, in the spirit of Christmas, the retail company for which I work does a toy drive and participates in Adopt-a-Family every year.  This is no different….except for the fact that our adopted family has caused a bit of  controversy as to whether they should receive assistance/gifts or not.  Here we go! ^_^

So I was at work last Tuesday, emailing the employees about volunteering for the toy drive and bringing in donations for the family.  As I was finishing, one of the employees (we’ll call her Anna for anonymity’s sake) Anna read the board and proceeded to say the following (paraphrasing): “Has anyone noticed that none of the woman’s children have the same last name?  They have 4 different fathers! I will NOT be donating anything to her family!  The only thing that I will offer to do is sit down with her and talk to her about how to get free birth control/condoms, but I will not give anything to or her family.”

Now, a little background about Anna. Anna is an older white woman in her 40’s.  She is an amazing mother and friend and I am proud to know her.  She has helped me in numerous situations and gives the best advice.  She is very charitable and giving and not only just in the sense of donating to the poor.  She helps family and friends in times of need no matter how great the problem.

And about the family—> They are a black family.  She is a single mother raising 4 children – 3 boys ( 15, 13, 11) and 1 girls (3). All of the children have different fathers.  We are not exactly sure what her status is, like if she is working, if she is on welfare, or are the fathers involved or not.  The are the factors that contributed to Anna’s initial response.

Herein lies the controversy:  Should we be donating to help the family or not?  Should we be more concerned about the mother’s choice of protective measures? Should we only donate items for the children alone?  I’ve gotten soooo many different views from my co-workers and now I want to hear yours…


  1. So I have gotten a host of comments on FB. Here they are:

    Corie Pressley: "I don't know the recipient, but i believe that if i have the means to help somebody, then i will help them. if everybody were raised as saints and made the right decision in every situation, then who will there be to help?"

    Jessikah Smith: "I don't get it. "Anna" is wrong in her thinking. What do the last names of the children have to do with her level of charity? Also why are we worried about what the mother has done in the past. If the whole idea is to sponsor a family for the holiday…the bring the holiday spirit to the less fortunate family and keep it moving. If the mom is unemployed or on welfare…makes no difference either…it would be different if you were taking care of the family for a a year…then you would need to be in the mix. But if the idea is help the mother bring "Christmas" to her family…then so be it."

    Angela R. Dunn: "Hello Peace. Sorry but I could not post this on your blog site without creating an account. I hope you don't mind that I'm posting it here. I love your blog site. I have never really posted to one before, so this is my first. But I was led here from your FB page where you talked about a controversial article, so my curiosity got the best of me. Well….I must say, the world is full of all kinds huh? While I can completely understand why your co worker feels the way she feels, and even as valid as her point may be, the question in my mind is and will always be no matter who or what the situation is, "What about the kids?" They didn't ask to be here but they are, they didn't ask if they could chose the home life or mother or siblings they would prefer. They, like the rest of us (including your co worker) had no say so as a child which way their lives would go. So regardless of what choices the mother may have made, does she not get credit for the fact that she has everyone of her children in her home with her, doing her very best to provide the best she can. They aren't in the foster care system because she was on drugs or an alcoholic, but she is there with them day in and day out, doing what I assume is her very best. My concerns are more for your co worker who doesn't realize that even Jesus helped the less fortunate, blessed and loved those that had committed crimes including adultery, showed compassion for and inter-acted with those that were disease stricken when no one else would even come near them. He sacrificed Himself and His life for this mother of 4 and her children, (and for their fathers) as well as for your co worker, He made no distinction between who was deserving and who wasn't base on what they had done, in fact there is nothing you or I or HER could ever do to earn His love and sacrifice He gives it freely. And doesn't He implore us to be like Him?? Thank you for allowing me to voice my opinion on your site!"

    Deidre Nichole: "I was going to add my two sense (tee hee) but I believe Miss Angela and Jessikah said it perfectly. Well said ladies!"

    Tanya Allen: "You know when you look from the outside in you never see the whole picture and we never know the whole story she could be a sister or aunt who has custody of another family members kids . I know a couple of people who have there sister or cousins children because ther parents died and to keep the children out of foster care they toke the kids in. And we all are young and stupid at one time in our lifes some get the the messeage the first time were others have to get knocked upside our heads several times before we get it be at least she has all her kids with her and she probaly doing her best to take care of them who are we to judge her."

  2. I think "Anna for anonymity's sake" is playing with fire, and here's why. Anna's stance on the whole matter is quite solid but at the same time it does not reflect the overall goal of that organization. You have to get EXTREMELY particular, when it comes to touchy subjects like such, that you do NOT try to impose your moral/ideals onto a client. Though it appears this family could CLEARLY use some education on contraception, it is NOT your duty to do so. Your duty, as far as this blog explains, is to collect donations for a toy drive. That is all. Your organization/company is to exude the spirit of Christmas, case closed.

    Now to take it a step further, Anna has to ask herself "At what point is someone considered ineligible for assistance?", "How many baby-daddy's is TOO much?" These answers require an OPINION. which will NEVER end well considering we ALL don't live in "perfect" monogamous relationships. My advice would be to continue with the donations and toy drive, AND if you have a chance to point her in the direction in which she can receive some sound council on contraception and/or abstinence do so. She will probably be more open to receive the advice so long as your organization gives her a chance from a non-judgemental stance on her current status.

    Lastly I'd like to say something that speaks to REALITY. I don't know this lady with 4 baby daddy's, but i'm going to take a shot in the dark and assume that in the 30+ years (I pray she's at least 30 lol) that she's been on this earth she has AT SOME POINT learned how to use a condom or has been offered birth control or some sort. When you're dealing with some adults you have to accept that some people just WON'T CHANGE. No matter how much you try to change them and give them opportunity, they will live up to the expectations or the bar you have set. it's not that they CAN'T, it's that they have been raised in an environment that has hardwired them to have a GREATER tendency to make more ignorant than wise decisions. Always keep this is mind before you get all worked up over POTENTIALLY lost causes…

  3. i would think the point is that you're giving to a NEEDY family. any single mother with four kids could just about be qualified as needy regardless of her supposed promiscuous past. donate to the needy. i think thats the point and about it.

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